Finding Love in Your Whimsical Twenties
When will it be my turn to find love?
I have asked myself this question countless times during the majority of my twenties. I would watch my friends fall in and out of love, standing by as their confidante when they shared giddy stories or shed tears in heartbreak. I would get the pleasure of seeing them grow in empathy and self-awareness as well as witnessing the effects of how love can change a person, for better or worse. And every so often, I would ask myself, “What about me? How can I find love like them?”
To be fair, I’m not even sure if I did all I could to put myself out there like my friends have. I grew up following the “no dating until graduation” rule out of familial obligation and good conscience. While I don’t regret it, I essentially had no real dating experience through college and into my late twenties. However, I still tried my best to put myself out there and meet people, and I learned my own set of lessons along the way!
In college, I found myself in a situationship that lasted for about a semester. It was one of those rose-tinted experiences when getting to know someone new for the first time as an adult. I was young and walked away with what I thought might have been a broken heart. Looking back, I realized my feelings may not have been true love, but the way the situationship ended was still so painful in its own right and skewed my view on dating for a while. While I might have had a few more crushes here and there, there was nothing I thought worth pursuing, or worth breaking my no-dating rule over.
It wasn’t until I turned 26 that I impulsively asked my friend to set me up on a blind date. I was nearing my late twenties by this point, so I thought, “I have nothing to lose, so why not?” And luckily for me, this impulse decision landed me into my current long-term relationship. At that point, I didn’t want to keep waiting and asking if love would ever find me. I wanted to grab life by its horns and finally try finding it for myself!
I’m now 29 and I can say that while it has truly taken most of my twenties to find love, I have also met so many people along the way (not just love interests!) who have shaped me into who I am today. I grew closer with friends who have struggled with dating in similar ways, and I leaned into new opportunities to grow as a person and meet new people in my community. Some moments, it was a forced effort to push myself to new heights. Other times, it was the perfect timing that put me in the position to connect with others, like participating in a health mission in the Philippines, leading a cultural choir in college, and even joining the Lotus Team! These relationships that I’ve made, and still continue to nurture today, have truly brought more color to my life and helped me to grow more confident to go for what I want.
If you’re feeling stuck like I did throughout my twenties, then I encourage you to keep an open mind and explore opportunities you wouldn’t have entertained before. Even if you’re not immediately successful in finding love, I guarantee you’ll also find new, maybe even different, friends outside your circle or like-minded people to add to your community. After all, building community starts there, and who knows, your next partner may be just around the riverbend.
Join a Club
There are plenty of clubs out there that you can join, both in and out of school. You’ll be able to bond with people over the same interest or similar backgrounds. I joined a cultural club in college and while I didn’t find love for myself, I found a place of belonging within a community and a new love for my own heritage. You can consider looking for something similar in your town!
A lot of local organizations like to host events to connect with their community as well, like the Annual Taiwan Festival in San Diego or the Asian American Expo in Los Angeles. Local cultural celebrations such as the San Diego Tet Festival or a county fair bring together people from many backgrounds; it may be worthwhile even to grab a friend and check out a festival or celebration you’ve never heard of before to network with others we may usually never have the chance to meet.
Learn a New Skill
Why not take part in a weekly class to learn a new life skill? You could learn how to surf, make your own pottery, practice your writing skills, or join a cooking class! Hit multiple birds with one stone. Gain a new skill, make some new friends, and maybe, possibly, even find love? Talk about feeling productive!
Get Active
Similar to joining a club and learning a new skill, there are ways you can take your active efforts to a new level! You can join a running club, try a climbing day pass, start taking ice skating lessons, or hit up the roller rink! As you hone your skills, you’ll find like-minded people wanting to do the same thing alongside you.
Attend Local Events
Trivia nights are a popular local event that takes place frequently at breweries. You can test your knowledge and meet new people to compete with! Some other local events include Comic Con (if you’re in San Diego), a small concert by a local band, or a comedy night.
Fostering Community
If you’re introverted like me, try saying yes to the next social invitation you get from your friends. Whether that be visiting a new bar or attending a friend’s gathering, you’re bound to feel closer with your friends and meet someone new, friend or potential love.
My experience in looking for love may have been unconventional, but I’ve learned that all it really takes is that first step to try something new and meet other people. Looking for love doesn’t have to be our sole focus either. Taking the chance to connect with others can lead us to the one romantic connection we’ve been seeking or the one life-long friend we’re meant to make!
